Q. My boyfriend is the epitome of the “minute man.” I honestly can’t remember the last time we had sex for more than five minutes/session. Switching up positions seems to make no difference…he comes with the touch of a feather. Obviously I am frustrated as hell by this shortage of excitement on my part. Women’s bodies require more than a few minutes of minor arousal. Any recommendations to get him to last longer?
A. I’m going to make a couple of inferences from what you’ve written. This problem isn’t brand new, he isn’t as concerned about it as you are, and you’ve talked about it and nothing has changed.
If all of these are true, the best and truest answer I can give you is Dump That Chump! There are many, many fine, ethical, considerate, intelligent, handsome men (and many women) who would just LOVE the opportunity to spend many languid hours figuring out just how you like to be loved.
Being too quick on the trigger is one thing, it happens to the best of ‘em. Accepting it in the long run is another matter altogether. As I see it, you really have a couple of choices, if you don’t take my first recommendation. And let’s face it, if you love him, and you’re like most young women, you’re probably going to put up with this, even though it’s a bad idea, and won’t work in the long run. You could try techniques based on eastern sexual teachings to delay his response, or keep making love after he has an orgasm (probably the best choice).
If you would like to try some delaying tactics, read the Art of Sexual Ecstasy, or Male Multiple Orgasm for some suggestions. They require the participation of both partners, and it doesn’t sound like you have that, frankly.
The easiest solution would be to continue to make love, even if he has already had an orgasm. You could suggest to him ways you would like to be pleasured, and encourage him to try to focus his erotic energy that way. What will probably happen is that he will get another erection, and perhaps even come quickly again, but that’s still no reason to stop.
The whole idea that sex “starts” when the penis enters the vagina and “ends” when he has an orgasm is ridiculous, if you think about it. It starts when it feels erotic to you, and it ends when you want it to, even if no one has had any orgasms, and even if both of you have had 14!
Good luck, but really, Sister, my first suggestion still stands.