Posted on

Should I Make a Move

Q. I know this girl who just broke up with her sweetheart of two years. They have been separated for a month. I really like this girl and I want to tell her but I also want her to have time to heal. What is the best thing for me to do in this situation? Thanks for your help. 

A. You’re right that a month isn’t very long after a two-year relationship. Focusing on your friendship with her is good, because you can still have a great time hanging out and she can sort out her feelings. Enjoy spending time, without trying to force an agenda. Chances are she is probably aware of your attraction, anyway.

Making yourself available sends a signal that you’re interested, whether that’s in making a more intimate friendship, or something more. Letting things take a natural course could save you both some heartache. There isn’t any hurry.

On the other hand, really cool people sometimes don’t stay single for very long if they want to be in relationship. Some people just like being partnered, and others want time to be alone to sort themselves out. I’m not sure there’s anything psychologically better about either option, and it probably has more to do with people’s temperaments and personalities than any deep-seated need to be in relationship to feel whole.

I’m not sure what the best course of action is, because it depends on your personalities. Forget playing her, that’s a bad choice no matter what. Forget trying to manipulate her, either, because that’s even worse. Think about what it is you really want, and honestly communicate that.

You might, for example, tell her that you really like her and that you’re OK staying “just friends” if she wants, but you’d love the opportunity to sweep her off her feet. Let her decide. If you’re open to both possibilities, then say so. You could mess up a perfectly good friendship if you’re not up front, and that would be a sad outcome for someone who’s already lost an important relationship.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes…